Self Introduction
Subject: Hui Hao's Self-Introduction.
Dear Professor Brad,
I am writing to introduce myself to you as a student in your Critical thinking and Communicating class. My name is Hui Hao, I am a Year 1 Mechanical Engineering student from SIT.
I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic in 2021 with a diploma in Mechatronics specializing in Aerospace System, I feel like Mechanical Engineering has always been a part of me since I was young. I used to love collecting Gunpla models when I was younger, which are mecha model kits that comes with pre-molded plastic that can be snapped together without the use of glue or paint. I take great joy in assembling the parts, especially the process of understanding the mechanics and articulation of the parts. I find Gunplas to be a rewarding experience and it definitely brought an interest of robotics and exposed me to mechanical concepts like gears and joints. I therefore decided to take that passion and interest I have to pursue a diploma and degree in Mechanical Engineering.
Some hobbies that I have includes reading, watching podcasts and indulging in fashion blogs. I love reading self-help books as I'm always looking to improve myself and my lifestyle, I strongly believe in the 1% rule from Atomic Habits by James Clear which talks about being just 1% better than the previous day, though 1% is a small number, if you are able to keep improving 1% everyday for a year, you would end up being 37 times better than what you were when you started. I'm an avid fan of self improvement and I see this being a strong suit going into your class.
I do have a weakness in communication, which happens to be my ability to speak to an audience or crowd. I have not given many presentations or did much public speaking which leads to me feeling less comfortable and feel very awkward when speaking to a crowd or class. However, I do feel that this weakness may come from the lack of experience as I feel that I am able to articulate my ideas well in a more private setting, such as talking to my friends.
My goals in this module is to have a growth mindset and refine my public speaking skills, I want to be able to face any audience without having that awkward sensation and be able to strike off a conversation or topic well. I want to be able to give off an aura of confidence when I speak and I know with your guidance, I will certainly be able to achieve that.
I hope we are able to work well and learn more about effective communication and critical thinking from you.
Best Regards,
Hui Hao
Commented on Dylan, Nathan and Jack
Hi Hui Hao, nice work on your self-introduction. I love the usage of conjunctions, the detailed descriptions and illustrations to your points. The language used was clear and concise and the organisation was well put together. However, the line for the illustration of the book, Atomic Habits, seems too long and could be separated into different lines which would make it easier to read. Overall, solid work and I had a blast reading your self-introduction.
ReplyDeleteThank you Ben & Jerry. Jinjja Saranghaeyo.
DeleteHello Hui Hao, I really like your use of detailed examples and reference about Atomic Habits. Your word of choice was clear and straightforward. Some things to point out are the overall length and formality. About the paragraph on Atomic Habits, I feel can be paraphrased/sumamrised shorter. Also the use of the last name might help the letter sound more formal and professional.
ReplyDeleteThank you Bob Dylan <3
DeleteHello Hui Hao, I like how you mentioned and state examples about Atomic Habits which is something that I have never heard of it before. After reading your self introduction, I am able to get to know you better as an individual and found out about you that I had never before
ReplyDeleteThank you Jacky Chan 369!
DeleteThis is such an interesting letter, HuiHao, with so much information in it that shows you to be unique, that the language use doesn't do it justice.
ReplyDeleteThe points below need a review and the letter a scrub.
1. sentence structure
-- My name is Hui Hao, I am a Year 1 Mechanical Engineering student from SIT. > (comma splice/overuse of caps) ?
-- I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic in 2021 with a diploma in Mechatronics specializing in Aerospace System, I feel like Mechanical Engineering has always been a part of me since I was young. > (comma splice/caps issue) ?
-- I love reading self-help books as I'm always looking to improve myself and my lifestyle, I strongly believe in the 1% rule from Atomic Habits by James Clear which talks about being just 1% better than the previous day, though 1% is a small number, if you are able to keep improving 1% everyday for a year, you would end up being 37 times better than what you were when you started. I'm an avid fan of self improvement and I see this being a strong suit going into your class. > (multiple comma splices/punctuation)
-- My goals in this module is to have a growth mindset and refine my public speaking skills, I want to be able.... > (comma splice)
2. verb issues
-- mecha model kits that comes with pre-molded plastic that can be snapped together without the use of glue or paint. > (subject verb disagreement) ?
-- Some hobbies that I have includes ... > (subject verb disagreement) ?
3. overuse of caps
-- to pursue a diploma and degree in Mechanical Engineering. > ?
Once you've cleaned up the language use, we readers can sit back and enjoy your story telling about the model building, we can behold your fascinating hobbies and keen interest in growth.
At the same time, once you've revised this, the whole 1% rule from Atoimic Habits will really resonate with us. We'll see how you live by your principles.
I look forward to hearing more from you in class, too. I can see here that you have a lot to share.
Best wishes,
Brad
Thank you for the feedback prof! I'll work to improve my writing skills for the 2nd edit. Thanks for the guidance!
Delete